WingbitchTV: Episode Two

Well, Jamie and I are off to BlogHer tomorrow. Our Kiss Our Sass Party is in less than 48 hours and we couldn’t be more excited. Since I’m sitting on my ass watching trashy TV and Jamie is trying to figure out how to do her laundry without power and packing by candlelight because she …

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The Fireman. Part II

Do you remember the fireman? How could you forget my hot-and-sweaty Backdraft style tryst complete with multiple orgasms and a firetruck? Impossible. If you haven’t read that post you’ll need to stop right here and do so in order to understand the true hilarity of this next story I’m about to tell you. Go ahead, …

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Single and Happy

I figured out something this week. I’m happiest when I’m in love with myself. Sure being in love with someone else has made me happy too, but not happy like this. For the last five days I have been really, genuinely, consistently happy, and it’s not because of anything anyone did for me or said to …

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The Emancipation Of Mely

Wednesday is my son’s sixth birthday, but that’s not the only reason why it’s special. It also marks my two-and-a-half-year SingleMommyversary. My how we’ve both grown. I really haven’t talked much about my first few months as a single mom here on Sex Lies and Bacon, probably because it was an extremely dark time for …

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Ask Mely

  It’s that time of week again folks. A time when I give sometimes humorous, always awesome, albeit unprofessional, dating advice to a lucky male reader in another titillating edition of Ask Mely on Sex Lies and Bacon! Let’s get down on it, shall we? This week’s victim is ImAGenuinelyNiceDudeWhichProbablyMeansIHaveAMiniaturePenis, who asked the following: “In your …

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Forgiveness

I originally did this as a guest post on forgiveness over on my wingbitch Jamie’s blog Single Mom Survives ,but thought it worth re-posting over here. Of course her version has hysterical pictures and some insight as to why we’re wingbitches, plus there are inspirational comments there, so you  should follow the link above and …

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…And That’s Why I Blog

I was feeling so lost the other night, and Googled “How to be a better single mom”…. I found you… There are days I question whether sharing myself with the world so intimately on Sex Lies and Bacon is worth it. As a single mom, I’ve been criticized many times by family, strangers, and religious …

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Sex In The City

After successfully organizing and throwing The Kiss Our Sass Party during BlogHer this year, I’ve had a steady flow of PR requests to my inbox. I can’t say that I mind. Attracting companies means I’ve finally made a name for myself and my bacon-scented brand amongst the Bloggerati. Some pitches are good, some pitches are …

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Of Hipster Trolls and Ignorance

I usually have a pretty thick skin. You have to when you’re the type of blogger that I am. I know full well that writing about the things I do and opening myself up on my blog and other platforms pretty much guarantees a hater or fifty, but last night when I logged onto Twitter …

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Adventures in Online Dating: HowAboutWe

There comes a point in every single woman’s life when she contemplates online dating. That point came for me a few weeks ago when I was approached with an opportunity to try out a fairly new dating site called HowAboutWe. I’d like to think the humor filled stars aligned in my Gmail that day, since …

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Drunk Walk Of Shame

I’m sure you’ve all been waiting to hear how our Kiss Our Sass Party went during BlogHer 2011. In a word: FANFUCKINGTASTIC! While I’m gathering pictures and info for my complete post-party wrap up post I figured I’d give you a sneak peek in video form as to what went down at the event. You …

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The Fabulously Single Project, Week Three: Unplug, Mom!

I’m addicted to my MacBook Pro and Droid. So much in fact that when I am forced to disconnect their umbilical cords and unplug, I curl up into an anxiety filled ball. Why? Because I always feel like I’m going to miss something. The real truth is I’m missing important moments of my life and …

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Butterflies, Butt Plugs, and the New Beginning

My new beginnings tend to come when I least expect or want them, and usually involve being blindsided by my ex. My latest new beginning as a single mom has been no different. It began with the discovery of my ex’s new girlfriend, who’s become a large part of my son’s life on the days I’m …

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Shameless Self-Promotion Saturday: A Podcast, A Rant, And A Dream

Wondering what I’ve been up to in the last week besides molesting my bacon, trying to lose the five pounds I gained while stuck in the house inhaling Crumbs Cupcakes during Hurricane Irene, or concocting new ways to get Will Arnett to notice me? Well you’re in luck because it’s Shameless Self-Promotion Saturday! First up …

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The Choose Health Challenge Sponsored By BistroMD

How many times have you thought about changing your life, but never followed through? Once? Twice? If you’re anything like this single mom it’s probably been closer to a hundred. We’re all guilty of it. After all, change can be terrifying. My own fear of it led me in circles the last few years. Then …

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WingbitchTV: Episode TwoThe Fireman. Part IISingle and HappyThe Emancipation Of MelyAsk MelyForgiveness…And That’s Why I BlogSex In The CityOf Hipster Trolls and IgnoranceAdventures in Online Dating: HowAboutWeDrunk Walk Of ShameThe Fabulously Single Project, Week Three: Unplug, Mom!Butterflies, Butt Plugs, and the New BeginningShameless Self-Promotion Saturday: A Podcast, A Rant, And A DreamThe Choose Health Challenge Sponsored By BistroMD

Jan
23

The Foxy Bikini: Fox Fur and Feathers Are A Vagina’s Best Friend

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Look out fellas, there’s a new trend in town that you might want to prepare yourselves for. Especially if you’re planning on going anywhere near a vagina.

Shit’s about to get foxy.

Or feathery. Whichever new trend your lady’s bikini line prefers.

Fox fur and feathers are a vagina’s best friend.

Personally I don’t think there’s a better way for a single girl like me to keep her vagina warm this winter than by waxing it completely bare and then gluing a semi-permament bright pink fox fro to it.

Say hello to the Foxy Bikini, Completely Bare Spa’s latest creation to accentuate your vagina. It comes in a variety of colors, lasts about 3-5 days and will cost you $225.

I would rock the hell out of that hot pink vagina-fro all winter long.

Not into gluing fluorescent animal pelts to your ladybits? How about feathers?

For a mere $195 the work of art above that is the Carnivale Bikini can be yours and your vagina’s.

Prices include waxing, by the way.

I don’t know about you but I need to feather my vagina immediately. Not even joking. If one of you will sponsor my trip to get waxed and feathered at Completely Bare I will blog, tweet and vlog the crap out of my entire experience for your entertainment.

Now that’s a Fabulously Single adventure waiting to happen if I ever saw one!

What I’d really like is to go all out and adorn my vagina with an elaborate combination of the two that we could call the Feathered Headdress Bikini…

 

Even better? Let’s take vaginal adornments to a whole new delicious level with something I like to call the Bacon Bikini…

Want to find out more about these VAG-TASTIC trends? Watch the video from Spa Week below.

Live in New York city and want to get waxed and feathered indefinitely? A little Hot Spa Moms birdie told me that if you purchase a year’s worth of unlimited laser hair removal at Completely Bare, you’ll receive a FREE Foxy Bikini or Carnivale with EVERY session!

Cost of Unlimited Bikini Laser Hair Removal for a year: $1000. Cost of Unlimited Brazilian Laser Hair Removal: $2000.

Unfortunately I don’t have that kind of money to spend on pubic care but maybe you’re fabulous enough that you do!

Mention SPA WEEK when you call to book. This offer is only valid to my New York City fox-fro lovin’ gals. Call toll-free for an appointment or consultation: 1.855.366.6060.

The feather adorned vagina above is none other than the FABULOUS Michelle Joni Lapidos, Director of Social Media & Editor of Spa Week Daily. Show her some love for living it up with the Carnivale and being awesome enough to rock those Spandex Leather pants! You go, girl! XOXO

 

Disclaimer: I was not compensated in any way, shape or form for this post. I just happen to think bright pink fur and feathers are the perfect accompaniment to a freshly waxed vagina. Opinions here are strictly my own, and my hoohah’s.

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Jan
22

That Bitch Who Burned The Bacon

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My son has recently developed a routine that involves having breakfast with his father on most Sundays, even though our custody arrangement deems Sundays are mine.

You see, I’m not a bitter bitch. I know the pangs of being without my son for three days each week; I also know his father feels those same pangs when he is without our son for four. So when he asked if he could take Aidan out to breakfast a few weeks ago I agreed and their Sunday breakfast dates have now become an almost every Sunday thing.

Usually they go for bagels and then for a quick visit to Toys R Us to wander the aisles, but when Aidan came home today he informed me that they had gone back to his father’s house and had a BIIIIIIIIIGGG (his exaggeration, not mine) breakfast that “the other woman” had cooked for them.

Probably on my god damn cookware I left there.

Eggs. Bacon. Chocolate Chip Pancakes.

Turns out she’s a regular Bitchy Crocker.

Ok, Ok. I know I should give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she’s not bitchy at all. Maybe she’s a very nice woman. I mean, Aidan seems to adore her.

I don’t know what she knew and what she didn’t know about me when my ex started cheating on me with her. I should probably feel sorry for her since she has to spend the rest of her orgasmless days with my ex. Unless he somehow discovered the clitoris since our relationship ended.

While I love my life now more than I ever did back then, there is a part of me that doesn’t like her simply because it feels like she is playing a cheaper version of me. Like I was recast and she was hired to play me in the soap opera that was my old life and I’m now sitting back watching it all without any say in what she does or how it happens.

I envy her, even though I don’t really want her life. Maybe I just envy her contentment, when I’m not sure I’ll ever feel comfortable being tied down to a life like that again.

When my son told me they had breakfast together today, a breakfast she cooked, it made my heart ache, though I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I’m so busy that my son and I rarely sit down and eat meals together anymore. Maybe it’s just because cooking for my son is my job and the fact that she can do it too, and perhaps even better, made me feel slightly threatened.

While I may not be able to make perfect eggs or Chocolate Chip Pancakes, I make one hell of a rasher of bacon. It’s the one thing I can cook and my son loves it.

“Did you eat lots of bacon, buddy? How was it?” I asked, with fingers crossed that she didn’t make better bacon than mine.

“She made it too crispy, Mommy. I didn’t like it.”

And with those words I smiled the most satisfied smile.

It was then I finally realized I don’t need to be jealous of that bitch who burned the bacon.

My perfectly cooked bacon and I are doing just fine.

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Jan
19

Happy Breakup To You! How To Get Over A Break Up

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A lot of people have asked me how to get over a break up. While I’m no therapist I’m definitely an expert on being a dumpee. I haven’t had a ton of breakups, but the ones I have experienced have been soul crushing enough to earn me the right to give you some break up advice.

So here I go.

How to get over a break up, Mely style.

It seems like every time I start dating someone new, people jump up and down to congratulate me. I’m sure most single moms and single women of my age are greeted with the same cheering squad when a new love interest enters their life.

“I’m so happy for you!”

“You deserve it!”

And then when the inevitable brush off or breakup occurs people run to console me.

“I’m so sorry!”

“You can do SO much better!”

Which is all fine and well, but maybe the world is doing things backwards.

Why doesn’t anyone ever congratulate me on becoming single? After all, being single is pretty fucking awesome. I’ve grown more, experienced more and seen more in my single life than I ever could’ve in my coupled one.

Singleness comes with the amazing gift of freedom. What you do with that freedom decides your fate.

You can mourn a breakup or you can embrace it by doing all those things you couldn’t do while you were part of couple.

Maybe you wanted to learn a new language but didn’t have the time because you were too busy doing all the things that your significant other wanted to do.

Maybe you wanted to travel somewhere but couldn’t afford a hotel and airfare for two.

Maybe you hated your job but couldn’t switch careers because your spouse wouldn’t let you.

Maybe you wanted to make new friends but your boyfriend was controlling and never let you go out without him.

Maybe you wanted to have sex on a park bench but your girlfriend wasn’t into possible bench-burn.

Whatever you wanted to do, make a list and a plan to do it while you’re single. And don’t stop crossing until you’ve crossed EVERYTHING off that list.

Busy yourself by doing the things you love and I guarantee you won’t spend a minute thinking you’re missing out on anything because you’re single. You might even discover you’re complete all by yourself.

If you never wanted to do anything before, pick some things now.

Find or pursue your passion and fall in love with yourself all over again, or first the first time, while you do.

I’m not saying there won’t be shitty times, lonely times, times where you want to run back to your ex, times that you actually do run back to your ex and realize it was a mistake, or times where you just need to drown your sorrows in a bottle of vodka, pull the covers over your head and call it a day, because there will be.

The key is to pick yourself back up after those times and remember how fucking lucky you are to be single.

Want to know how to get over a break up? Don’t live in the past. Run towards your fabulously single future.

Happy breakup to you!

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Jan
18

SOPA and PIPA: Return From Whence You Came!

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I’ll admit it, my bacon and I are fashionably late to the pitch fork yielding mob that is rising against SOPA and PIPA. But we’re here now so shut your whore mouth.

I’m not crazy enough to blackout SexLiesandBacon.com for the day, like so many of you have bravely done with your own blogs, but I am crazy enough to use my mediocre Photoshop skills to create the above photo of Will Arnett tossing SOPA into the ocean in an effort to raise awareness about how much life would suck if SOPA passes.

If you’ve never watched Arrested Development you have not a clue why the above photo is even funny. Sucks to be you and laughgasm-less.

I’m not educated enough about the subject to sit here and write an entire post about why we need to stop SOPA from passing or rifle through all the legal jargon.

Let’s face it, I’m here for comedic relief.

But if you want to find out more, Chris Heald wrote an AWESOME article over at Mashable about “Why SOPA is Dangerous” in words that even my cartoon bacon could understand.

So read it and right after you’re done reading it visit Wikipedia’s page to find an elected official in your area to harass the shit out of regarding why you love your freedom of speech and oppose SOPA and PIPA.

Say no to SOPA and yes to bacon. I’ll love you for it.

 

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Jan
17

I Complete Me.

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The above picture is the front of my business card. The quote is by Judy Ford, a woman whose words played a large part in changing the way I looked at myself as a single woman.

There’s not a doubt in my mind that I would not be as fabulous as I am today had fate not stepped in and placed her book in front of me at my local library as I scoured the self-help section, depressed, scared and feeling desperately alone six months after my separation.

As I wandered the shelves that day, I wasn’t quite sure what I was looking for.

A distraction.

Some inspiration.

Something to fill the gaping void my ex had left in my heart.

Maybe all of the above.

At that time I wasn’t Mely.

Back then I was a less confident and more broken version of she; the type of co-dependent woman who was terrified to be alone because she never had been.

A woman who had yet to realize there was a beautiful, witty and sexy creature dying to claw its way out of her.

The truth is, I didn’t know who I was without a man to use as a mirror. I’d spent the last 15 years of my life dating because I didn’t know how to be content by myself, judging my worth by the male company that I kept.

Unfortunately for me I kept some shitty company.

Fairytales, movies and  3/4 of society had led me to believe I was half of a whole, leading me on a seemingly endless journey searching for another person to cure my loneliness.

I never felt satisfied, despite several joys that came into my life, because I didn’t think I could be until I found the missing piece that would turn my half into a whole.

In those days I thought being a single woman and a single mother was a death sentence; that I’d spend the rest of my days chained to a life filled with struggle, mediocrity and loneliness.

“Single is not a condition to be cured – it’s just as natural as being part of a couple.”

Then I read Judy Ford’s book, “Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent” and every fear and negative thought I ever had about being single washed away when her words inspired me to become the woman I’d always wanted to be, yet never could living my life attached to another person.

“Singleness shakes and shoves us into taking the leap from wanting someone to being someone.”

The moment I read those words something shifted inside me. My singleness became a gift with wings that taught me how to fly after a lifetime of timidly keeping my feet on the ground.

*******

Here’s the thing Cinderella, Snow White and Jerry Maguire…

We’re not all half of a whole.

Some of us are lucky enough to be complete all by ourselves.

I complete me.

Judy Ford taught me so.

 

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Jan
16

The Fresh Diet (Review): Love At First Bite

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Last week I introduced you all to the awesome that is The Fresh Diet. After a full seven days of Fresh Diet delivery, I lost 1.5 pounds and am completely smitten with their gourmet diet food. It was love at first bite.

From fabulously-single portions of Strawberry Multi-Grain Pancakes to a Tarragon Infused Salmon & Cheese Melt, I felt like I had my very own nutritionist and personal chef all wrapped up in one. And with three full meals and two snacks per day, waiting for me right outside my door each morning, I was never hungry and completely satisfied because I had so many choices.

I ate better on The Fresh Diet than I ever have in my life!

Not only was their gourmet food delivery delicious, it was a godsend during my insanely busy week leading up to my trip to Ford NAIAS. Normally during a crazy time like that I would’ve skipped meals and ended up feeling like crap, but anytime I was hungry I just ran downstairs, grabbed my container of Fresh Diet food and in less than a minute I had a healthy and balanced meal sitting with me at my desk.

Part of the reason that I always fail at healthy eating is because as a busy single mom I have an enormous amount of trouble finding time to plan out my meals and cook them.

What makes it even more difficult is being the single mom of a picky eater, meaning I have to plan two separate meals for each of us, four days a week. That’s double the time in the kitchen and double the amount of dishes to clean up.

No bueno.

The truth is most days I don’t even get a hot meal because by the time I finish getting my son’s ready, mine is lukewarm. Or just as I sit down at the table to eat, my son needs a refill or something else.

Because even the hot meals on The Fresh Diet took less than a minute to reheat, I was able to get a hot meal no matter what my son needed. And the best part was that is was gourmet food and not a Lean Cuisine or other frozen dinner I shoved in the microwave, which takes way longer than a minute to reheat. It was fresh, delicious food. And it was heavenly.

Have dietary restrictions? Not a problem! While using the Premium plan I had 4 choices for each meal and 6 choices for my two sides and snacks each day, which always included a vegetarian and gluten free option. Plus my Fresh Diet profile included a special dislike basket where I could drop in any foods I couldn’t have or didn’t like so they wouldn’t be included in my meals for the day.

Going away? Not a problem either! While I was in Detroit for three days I was able to put my Fresh Diet delivery on hold and resume the delivery when I got back. And get this; if The Fresh Diet is available in the city you’re visiting you can even have it delivered to you while you’re there! How convenient is that? Best food delivery out there!

Of all the diet plans for women I’ve tried, The Fresh Diet was the first one I felt like I could stick with and never feel deprived. Fresh, delicious food in single serve sizes with no cooking, counting or clean-up involved to enjoy it?

What single woman wouldn’t love that?!

Want to get up close and personal with me and The Fresh Diet? Check out the video below. My son even makes a guest appearance to tell you what he thinks of The Fresh Diet.

If you’re looking to get sexy in 2012, looking for a great detox diet, or even just looking to simplify your nutrition plan and your life, I highly recommend The Fresh Diet.

Start today for $29.99 per day and get 3 days free with the purchase of a 31 day plan. And as a bonus – they’ll even give you a 6 day supply of Hint Premium Essence Water and a fitness DVD from Jessica Smith to help you get sexy even faster.

Go to www.thefreshdiet.com/single to take advantage of this special offer or call 866-FRESH-50 (866-373-7450) and use Promo code: singlejan3

Don’t miss out on experiencing The Fresh Diet and love at first bite.

Disclosure: This post is based on my experience during my one-week free trial of The Fresh Diet. I also received compensation for this post. No request to share any particular point of view was made. All opinions expressed here are strictly my own. And my 1.5 pound lighter ass’.

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Jan
13

33. Single. And Loving It!

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Tomorrow is my 33rd birthday, which means you have about a day to get that pony, stripper or bacon-scented birthday card here.

If you asked me ten years ago where I hoped to be at 33, my plans would not have included being a single mom or a single woman. Yet here I am. About to be 33. Single. And loving it!

I probably would’ve told you I hoped to be a Kindergarten teacher, with a husband and a dog and a house with a white picket fence somewhere in the suburbs, where I’d be perfectly content having my life revolve around said husband, never having any dreams or chasing them unless they involved the two of us chasing a dream together.

Praise baby jesus that the universe saved me from a lifetime of co-dependency when it shook me from desperately wanting someone because I was afraid to be alone to actually being someone.

For the first time in my life I am completely content with my single status. I have no desire to date or look for love right now, and for the first time in my life I’ve realized that’s completely ok too.

It’s not because I’m bitter or heartbroken. My plate is already full and I’m happily single.

Dare I say I’ve actually achieved Fabulously Single status?!

After years of society shoving me toward wieners to avoid a lifetime of being unattached and lonely, I’ve learned how to fill my days with the types of happiness I create all on my own.

My life is full of friends, family and acquaintances who steer me toward adventures and opportunities I never thought possible.

Most importantly, I’ve learned how to embrace the times when I’m lonely, which are few and far between these days, by doing something creative instead of running to the nearest man to fill that void.

Ok, sometimes I run to my bottle of vanilla vodka instead of getting creative. I’m not perfect.

When I became a mother I thought I had to give up my independence. I became a stay at home mom because I believed it was what was best for my son, and during the first few years of his life it probably was.

I willingly gave up my, then, dream of being a teacher and succumbed to my new life with a child attached to my boob or hip 24-7.

Don’t get me wrong, being a stay at home mom had enormous rewards and was no easy job, but I missed adventure and freedom and immersing myself in things that didn’t involve babies, children or breastfeeding.

Little by little I lost myself in my son as my brain turned to mush and my sex appeal and spunk disappeared after one too many sleepless nights and a life filled with little stimulation from the outside world.

Becoming a single mom changed all that when I was forced to venture out and function in the real world. I had no choice but to figure out how to juggle not only being a mom, but a single, working woman if my son and I were ever going to survive.

It has taken me almost three years but I’ve come to a place where I’ve achieved balance between being a mother and being an actual sexy-ass, independent person. I’ve got 90% of my shit together and I figure the other 10% will catch up eventually.

I’ve made my mistakes and I’ve had a ridiculous number of ups and downs, but it finally feels like I’ve arrived.

33. Single. And loving it.

Happy Birthday to me!

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Jan
11

Why I Want To Make Sweet Sweet Love To You Inside The 2013 Ford Fusion

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Step inside the 2013 Ford Fusion and let’s get it on!

As most of you know I just got back from my trip to Detroit where I attended #FordNAIAS with over 100 other bloggers from around the world. This means that not only did I get to attend the North American International Auto Show and see the big reveal of the 2013 Ford Fusion, but I was also able to get a behind the scenes look at all things Ford during their Innovation and Design Fantasy Camp.

Let me start by saying that Ford sure knows how to woo a lady. They wined Rum & Coked me, dined me and completely seduced me with their passion for their company and their innovative design techniques.

It’s nice to know that a huge corporation like Ford Motor Company gets the importance of social media and the positive impact that bloggers, no matter who they are or what they write about, can have on a brand.

40% of the social media mentions on Monday from NAIAS were about Ford, proving just how powerful a bunch of passionate, smartphone-yielding bloggers can be.

At first I questioned the diversity of those of us in attendance and what we really had in common with Ford, but by the end of my trip I realized deep down we were all united by our passion and creativity.

And that was fucking amazeballs.

I went into this event as a woman who had been conditioned over the last fifteen years to believe that American cars were crap and that foreign cars were the way to go if you wanted your money to last and your headaches to be few.

After two days of experiencing all things Ford, meeting the dedicated and passionate people behind the brand, learning about their entire design process and how much hard-work, testing and thought goes into each and every part of each and every vehicle they make, I left the event as a woman who has fallen madly in love with Ford.

This smitten single mom is destined to purchase a car from Ford Motor Company in the future.

I also left the event as a woman who has a crush on Scott Monty, head of Social Media for Ford, but that’s another story that begins with the following tweets and picture:

And ends with this reply:

What a man!

Want to know what else left me swooning after my trip?

The All-New 2013 Ford Fusion.

 

If the front-end doesn’t get your motor running…

..this nice ass sure will.

And hold on to your panties ladies because the Ford Fusion Hybrid is going to give you 47 mpg in city driving and 44 mpg on the highway.

Actually don’t bother holding on to your panties because you can buy yourself a new pair with the money you’re about to save on gas!

So between the amazing 2-day event that was #FordNAIAS, my school-girl like crush on Scott Monty, the masturbation fodder I got from the unveiling of the 2013 Ford Fusion and this awesome picture of me with the WienerMobile from my visit to The Henry Ford museum…

…I now love Ford. Hard.

And that’s why I want to make sweet sweet love to you inside the 2013 Ford Fusion.

 

Want to read more about my Ford-tastic adventure? Keep an eye on LateNightParents.com for my 3-part “Single Mom Drives” series where I’ll be rating a few of Ford’s new vehicles through the eyes of a single parent, as well as sharing some more information with you about the Ford NAIAS blogger event.

Disclosure: Ford Motor Company paid for my travel and accommodations at the 2-day Innovation and Design Fantasy Camp event. I was not compensated in any other manner for my time. My opinions posted here are my own.

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Jan
09

New Year’s Resolution #1: Tip The Dating Scales In Your Favor!

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It’s a new year and singles are hitting the dating scene again in hopes of finding love. Or in my case, multiple orgasms. Does the thought of competing with other singles make you anxious? Bitch-slap your way through the competition by saying yes to Fresh Diet diet delivery in 2012.

Each year I resolve to get in shape or lose weight to achieve Super MILF status, yet every year I seem to fail. Although being a regular MILF is certainly nothing to complain about.

Sure I start off with good intentions, but somewhere along the course of the year I falter due to my insanely busy schedule as a single mom.

Like most single moms, I don’t have a lot of time to plan out my meals or to cook myself healthy food during my day. Usually I grab the closest edible thing to me and shove it in my mouth while I work, do chores or run errands. Unfortunately that mostly involves eating cookies, candy or throwing some of my son’s leftover chicken nugget crumbs in my belly.

Plus there’s all that glorious bacon.

I’ve tried several other diet plans for women, but they’ve all been too time consuming to fit my busy single mom lifestyle.

So when I was offered a one-week trial to the Fresh Diet program I almost had a foodgasm and several other gasms. Receiving their gourmet food delivery is like having my own personal chef for an entire week. No cooking, no counting, no clean up? I would’ve been crazy to say no to that!

My one-week Fresh Diet food delivery started last Tuesday. I had five, fresh, healthy, calorie controlled meals that were perfectly portioned for a single girl like me, waiting for me in a cooler at my doorstep when I woke up at 7am.

 

What was on the menu?

 

Everything was perfectly portioned in microwavable containers with ridiculously clear instructions on how to heat and serve. Even the most kitchen fearing single woman could handle the Fresh Diet.

And then I had my first taste of Fresh Diet food while sitting at my desk and indulging in Twitter, and it was love at first bite.

 

Not gonna lie, that Tri-Color Bell Pepper & Cheddar Cheese Egg Bake with Fresh Pineapple was AMAZEBALLS.

And I would’ve married the Seared Tuna Salad I had for lunch if it came with a ten-inch penis. Sorry I don’t have a picture of that one. I was too busy making out with it to take one.

I’m only a few days in, but I’m already a believer that the Fresh Diet is the best food delivery diet out there.

I’m looking forward to getting my mouth all over this chocolate cupcake soon.

WARNING: FOOD PORN AHEAD

If you want to read my full review (and watch my video) on The Fresh Diet program, come back next Monday for my second post after my one-week Fresh Diet trial ends.

With 1200-1400 calorie based meals for women and 1400 – 2200 calorie based meals for men, you could lose up to 10 pounds this month by signing up with The Fresh Diet. But The Fresh Diet isn’t just for losing weight, it’s a great detox diet too.

Fresh Diet food is never processed, vacuum packed or frozen and there are hundreds of meal selections. With four choices for each of your meals, plus six choices for your two sides and two snacks each day, the possibilities and foodgasms are endless!

There’s no denying yourself dessert, no gag-worthy liquid meals and definitely no hard work!

So don’t wait for my second post next week to start bringing all the boys (or girls) to the yard!

Start today for $29.99 per day and get 3 days free with the purchase of a 31 day plan. And as a bonus – they’ll even give you a 6 day supply of Hint Premium Essence Water and a fitness DVD from Jessica Smith to help kick your weight loss plan up a notch.

Go to www.thefreshdiet.com/single to take advantage of this special offer or call 866-FRESH-50 (866-373-7450) and use Promo code: singlejan3

Disclosure: This post is based on my experience during my one-week free trial of The Fresh Diet. I also received compensation for this post. No request to share any particular point of view was made. All opinions expressed here are strictly my own. And my happy belly’s.

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Jan
08

Detroit, I am in you.

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You might remember a post I did about a month ago in which I announced that I’d be attending the North American International Auto Show and Ford’s Innovation and Design Fantasy Camp for LateNightParents.com.

Well guess what? I’m here!

Detroit, I am in you.

I’ve only been here two hours and I’m already in love with Ford and their gracious hospitality.

The Henry Hotel is gorgeous and from the moment I was greeted by a Ford representative at the airport I’ve felt like a rockstar.

Right now I’m sitting in my room, typing and tweeting away to you all while waiting for my room service to arrive.

Yes, I have my very own room AND I got to order a gourmet grilled cheese sandwich to hold me over until our NAIAS group dinner this evening at the Henry Ford Museum!

This single mom could not be happier right now. How lucky am I?!

If you want to go behind the scenes and experience Ford NAIAS with me January 8th – January 10th, I’ll be LIVE tweeting it all from the @latenightparent account.

I’d tweet it all from my personal account as well, but we know I can’t be trusted to handle both Twitter accounts at the same time.

You can also follow the #FordNAIAS hashtag to see what all the other fabulous bloggers are saying about the event.

Oh, room service is here! Gotta run…

Disclosure: Ford Motor Company paid for my travel and accommodations at the 2-day Innovation and Design Fantasy Camp event. I was not compensated in any other manner for my time. My opinions posted here are my own.

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